“Congratulations you are going to be a father!” For some odd reason I think that the Doctor would tell us separately like we weren’t both this embryo’s genetic foundations. These words can be terrifying to some and exciting to others. It is both my desire and fear to be a father and I get that it’s a huge responsibility. So why would I want all of this responsibility when I could just play with my little cousins? Good question.
Fatherhood is a special honour that is granted to those who make an effort. So welcome to my inner monologue of reasoning! That reads like an introduction to an 80’s action movie but this is what this will be. I welcome your comments after reading this, especially if I can learn a few things from all the rookie parents out there.
I have no children of my own, adopted or otherwise but I want to have my own children one day soon. My reasons are quite simple, we exist to do more than live for our allotted time we are here rather to pass on what we know, to love those we are to leave behind. We build a legacy to pass on to the next generation. Maybe I should just start a charity and stop trying to play daddy, but the warmth of children and loving them is just special. Wait, I would like to address a side bar. It is really hard loving little humans as a guy sometimes, now I know this is mostly self-inflicted by my gender but it is a pain. Imagine this scene. A guy walking in a mall and he says to a child in a pram with the mother there, “Your child is so beautiful I just want to eat him up!” That just doesn’t work. The next time you are in a line try just start staring at a baby, talking to her/him and ask to pick him/her up, just try.
I digress, I never wanted to be a father, not until recently when I finally met someone who I could see a future with, a real future. I never wanted the single father life because I never grew up in that world so I wouldn’t want it for my chid. I want to create a loving two parent house that is filled with principal, morals, unconditional love and good times. That is much easier with two adult parents, and I want to be a father in that world.
Fatherhood to me has always been being a tangible role model for your child, that child’s first mentor, friend and hero. It means being someone that represents the family well, and does everything in his power help the family grow. That firm backbone that my child can refer back to while she/he creates their own defined path. I truly believe fathers can make life 10% easier by just being the example and legacy builder for the future generations. That is why I don’t see fatherhood as something solely for your own seed, adopt and mentor. If you can afford it why not? My father was more of a stoic figure in my life, also known as the guy in my life but not exactly my role model. I do not fault him nor see him in a lowly manner, he did what he could with what he had. From that I learnt everything I could and found father figures around me.
It was from these guys I learnt fatherhood in its many layers. The one father which I always see as a superhero was my father’s older brother. His wife died after their second child and he took care of these two toddlers from that point on. Being a father to a boy and a girl and getting them successfully through to commendable adults makes him a titan amongst father figures for me.
So now that I want to be a dad certain questions start reeling into my mind and I like to believe Planned Parenthood is exactly that. Planning, not to say anything will go as planned but let there at least be a plan to deviate from.
When you have found your prospective partner. You want to know if they want to have kids and when they want to have kids. You don’t want to be wanting kids at different times, no one needs the baby pressure. Once you figure that out it is getting yourself in a position where a child can come into your world. Then you can figure out complex issues like how to have children when you are older. How did Ms Jackson have a child at 50 years old?!
As a future father, I must think about where am I living and have I thought of getting the type of housing more conducive to having a child, whatever that might mean to you. I loved our family house, it was 1000sqm of bliss, I had place to play without ever having to leave those walls. I want that for any child. Also, I have to start thinking if the city I live in is where I want to bring up a child. I grew up in Port Elizabeth, and I would never let any poor child of mine end up growing up there, why? Mental stimulus, where your child grows up will influence how they think, act and succeed. Giving my children that best possible start in the best environment is key to growth. Where do you think is the best town or city to bring up a child?
I must also think of adoption, is it so important that all your kids come from your balls? There are many children out there at different ages who would love a father and mother. Save your wife and baby mama some pain and consider adopting. Even going as far as just mentoring some child through their life would be an amazing achievement, you may not see yourself as much but you are far better off than most, go out there and go and help out the most if you can. Does anyone know how to adopt or should I do this African style and find a family kid and make him my own?
What knowledge do you pass on? The hardest part of my generation is everyone took 50 cent seriously when he said “get rich or die tryin’ “ Many of us don’t believe in leaving the bread crumbs to success and a legacy for your grandkids to eat from. While thinking about being a dad maybe also figure out what is the legacy you will leave them and what you will teach them.
The father I want to be is one my child can look at as solid foundation to build on, a moral compass of sorts. I want to be that child’s first “Why”, I want that child to be able to say “I want dad to be proud of me”. Before they build other “Why’s” in their long life. I want them to have real financial security and a legacy to be part of. My legacy was education and hard work, I want my kid’s legacy to be a billion dollar empire.
Before I want to be a father, I realised I need to be a responsible adult and create a space where I child is brought in this world with all the excitement that the occasion requires. That requires planning and fore thought with an understanding of the responsibility and that is where my mind working right now, as rookie parents any advice?