I never imagined I would become a divorced single mother, but who does, right? I mean, sure divorce is common these days and I know plenty of women that are doing an amazing job of raising their kids on their own. But that was not supposed to be MY life. I had it all figured out when it came to the love life, I would meet my soul mate, have two children, live in a nice house with a white picket fence (Okay we live in SA, so maybe some electric fencing) but basically, I would have a perfect family and we would live happily ever after. Turns out my fairy godmother sucks and my story didn’t quite end up like that.
I was a thirty+ woman with a 3 month old baby, struggling to cope with my own personal Typhoon Katrina (my code word for divorce) What happened? Where did I go wrong? Why did He have a baby with me, if he was unhappy? All great questions. No answers.
Taking time out to reflect about the situation and give myself time to heal was a brilliant idea. However, when you have a little baby, it’s not that easy. Let’s be honest – mummy and baby crying together all the time, not so appealing.
I was so distraught about bringing my baby girl into a world where she would never experience a happy home, a home where her parents live together. I constantly wondered about, what this would do to her? Would she grow up envying her friends’ family lives, would she wish for that? Would she wonder what it would feel like to hold both of mummy and daddy’s hands at the same time? Her father and I had robbed her of this.
With that in mind, I made a conscious decision that I would be happy again, and I would raise a child that would always know she is the love and light of my life. I would be enough for her, or at least never stop trying. And that’s what I did and continue to do.
But it hasn’t been easy.
I felt judged as a single mother for choices that I made, make. I lost friends as they chose sides. I was stressed about my finances. I was so used to having a husband that made all the decisions, I was lost. And most of all, I felt alone. But as the beautiful saying goes “This too shall pass..” the tide does turn.
On the other side of my journey, I found myself again. Cliché, I know but true. Turns out I’m a strong, beautiful woman with the added quality of being a great mother as well.
The decisions I made since becoming a single mother as bettered my life and that of my child. It’s an achievement to come out of such darkness, being hopeful of the promising future ahead and I deserve to be proud of this. I know one day my daughter will be proud of me too and that makes me even more happy.
On that note, life does go on and sometimes works out even better that you dreamt it could (take that fairy Godmother!) I am now married to a wonderful man, who is an amazing stepdad to my daughter. We are currently in the process of making countless family memories.
The advice I would give women coming out of a relationship or going through a divorce and have children to raise:
You can put your children first BUT you also need and deserve to be happy. Find your balance. In trying times, trust yourself enough to know that YOU know what is best for you and your child. And remember, “this too shall pass”