After you give birth to your first child priorities really start with baby. Everything else comes after. Your relationship transforms into being caregivers who actually need more sleep, who lack personality and honestly put, need a break. As the months go by, you might look at your relationship and wonder what happened to the spark, the romance, the fun and if you are as dramatic as me, you might even think that you and your spouse have lost your love for each other.
First and foremost this is VERY normal. The internet is stacked with TONNES of articles and blog posts about reviving the love, reigniting the spark and bringing sexy back into the relationship. A friend and ex colleague of mine once warned me that when the baby comes I must prepare for tiffs and a lot of change in the relationship. My husband and I brushed it off with giggles because we knew we were different. We knew our relationship was solid… Or so we thought.
After our daughter was born, the stress that came with the sleepless nights, the different parenting styles and with everything being so new (throw in lack of sex), it really did result in a shift. It was scary to think we got that low in our relationship but we did. You learn the hard way that time and patience is the key to making it through in the early stages. Being kind to each other and not taking things too seriously.
That stage eventually passed. We adjusted and settled into our own routine and our way of being a family.
When you feel you are ready to date your spouse again and spend some alone time together here are some ideas on how to make the most of it:
- Make an effort to look hot. It is very easy to want to dress for comfort or just be low key but it’s NB that you make an extra effort to look sexy for your spouse, like the old days, and to feel good for yourself too. Our bodies change but there are ways to bring out your best self without having lipo and chin tucks. Under-eye concealer, some mascara and a good lipstick will not fail you, trust me! Dads a good clean shave and the shirt you know she loves is perfect!
- Book a baby sitter in good time and let go. Make sure you book a person that you trust to look after your baby because the last thing you want is to be nervous and constantly checking your phone for emergency messages. When you leave the house, leave behind any form of guilt and worry.
- Go into the night with EXTREMELY low expectations. Forget magic and movie-type dates. Do not expect too much from your spouse. You are both parents who are going through the same thing. You are getting out to take a break and change the dynamics of your time together. Remember you live together and see each other all the time, so the conversation could be along the lines of what you discuss at home but enjoy it for what it is.
- If you drink alcohol have a glass of wine or your favourite cocktail at the beginning of the night. This is a good way to loosen up and forget about being a parent for one night. It gets the conversation flowing, the giggles going and can set up a really fun night. You deserve it! Just remember the hangovers are not the same when you have to get up at 6am.
- Choose a fun activity. Sometimes going out for dinner can be too much pressure for good conversation and is also the perfect setting to think about how amazing it would be to have an early night. Go for a comedy show. Goliath comedy club is a good way to do dinner and comedy at the same time. Go dancing, go see a play or a movie, that’s if you can sit through a full movie without sleeping lol!
- Reminisce about the old days. Sometimes going back in to time reminds you why you love each other so much. The nostalgia is a good connector and a great way to keep your friendship flame burning too.
I hope this helps at least one person who might feel like the relationship is over and that the love is gone. It is important to remember that the relationship will naturally change and the best thing to do is to make a conscious effort to make it work and keep the fun in the relationship. 💛