I have always been a confident person, sure of myself, with a strong sense of belief in my abilities. I owe that to my parents who raised us that way. We were always encouraged to speak our minds and be assertive individuals in all areas of life. The introduction of motherhood disrupted that. The moment I entered into labour and became a mother was the first time I experienced such a strong lack of confidence in myself. I was so flustered and tried so hard to be perfect and the harder I tried the more I felt like I was fumbling. It was all so new to me and I don’t think anyone could have fully prepared me for the first moments of motherhood.
In the weeks and months to follow I had to get used to changes to my body, lifestyle, sleeping patterns and pretty much a new me. I was so comfortable and confident as my former self, and now I had to try and figure myself out again. It took me a whole year to find myself and regain my confidence, and you know what, it is still a daily practice.
I feel the need to craft my career now, as opposed to being in ‘jobs’ to just pay the bills and live from month to month. To be able to build a career I constantly have practice confidence and activate self-belief. I want to be an amazing wife to my hubby, that takes confidence and happiness with myself before I can think of being amazing to him. I want to be a great mom to Kiki, but I must be sure of myself and love myself first for her to learn how to do the same for herself.
I realised today that I have a deep inclination towards helping people realise their potential. I hate to see people getting half of what they deserve or be a fraction of who they truly can be. Many of us do not have enough confidence to accept the greatness we possess and as a result, do not have the courage to take from life what we deserve. It could be professionally, personally, socially or even emotionally and this manifests itself every day in the different spaces we engage in. On top of the confidence issue, we do not take enough time to acknowledge each other, but that is a story for another day.
This post is inspired by the number of people I have worked alongside over the years, who have not possessed the courage and confidence to own their greatness. I particularly want to share these thoughts because be it as individuals, parents or aspiring parents, it is important that we challenge this thinking and actively find ways to make our lives better, for ourselves and everyone around us. This confidence issue will directly affect where you go in life, how happy you are, how you are treated and how you raise your children.
I have come up with four steps that can take you closer to being great in your own sphere.
- Take control of your self-belief and own your greatness
Many of us tend to be very hard on ourselves or we just don’t give ourselves enough credit. We do not believe in ourselves enough and constantly look to other people to believe in us first. We spend so much time waiting to be acknowledged, promoted, validated, recognized or complimented about things we knew right from the beginning.
I spent 6 weeks battling with breastfeeding my baby but I was just not producing milk. I cannot say to this day why I failed to produce adequate breastmilk, but I can tell you that I took it very personally and equated being a great mom to being able to breastfeed. This was all based on other people’s opinions on breastmilk versus formula. The moment I stopped and asked myself what truly mattered, I decided to give my baby formula milk and at that point I was very confident in my decision. I decided not to see it as a failure or that there was something wrong with me. For the first time in those 6 weeks, I felt free and GREAT for the first time as a mommy. By accepting to listen to myself, my baby and I were a lot more relaxed and able to enjoy our first few months of life together.
Start by trusting in yourself. Begin to take ownership and control of areas you know you have to be great in. Confidence and validity should come from ourselves.
- Get comfortable with your greatness
For some people the issue isn’t so much believing they can be great, it is more of a comfort issue. It may require going against people’s ideas/plans for you, or getting out of a perceived ‘safe’ environment or situation.
Start to challenge yourself to act on your self-belief. Get comfortable with the thought of where your greatness lies and where it can take you. Apply for a new job, attend your first photography class, join a gym, start blogging, join a cooking school, propose to your woman, move out of your parent’s home or start trying for that baby. Whatever that thing is, do it.
Challenge yourself to do more in areas you can be great in. Get comfortable with the idea of moving to a new, more advanced area, role, stage or level that will stretch you and encourage you to grow. You most likely know what those areas are already, but you are just not comfortable enough to face that next level yet, I say do it. Put yourself out there and stop stifling yourself.
- Constantly reaffirm your greatness
Life will always throw the unknown at you. It will constantly test you. There will always be people to undermine and undervalue you. There will always be an opinion different to yours. Every day of your life you will need talk yourself into confidence.
You are going to have constantly check yourself in moments of self-doubt and keep reminding yourself that YOU are in charge of your greatness. Repeating positive affirmations to yourself will carry you through and through and you will be amazed by what you are capable of.
- Check in with your support unit
You can’t be great without a good support unit. It might be one person or a couple of people that you go to check in with from time to time. You won’t always be able to believe in yourself and you will find that others will see things in you that you fail to notice on your own. In other cases, you may know the answers but you just need someone to cheerlead you as you go for what you want.
To end this off, I just want to say that you are in control of how you see yourself, who you choose to be and what you decide to go for. Make sure you are constantly taking yourself to the heights you know you should be aiming for.
Happy #chooseday xxx